This post was originally written on September 4. It is a bit dated. I’m late in posting it because when I returned from my trip to the MDF conference in San Francisco (September 7-10), my experience there was more pressing. Then I had computer problems and my September 11 post was finally able to be delivered on October 9. I hope to be back on track now. Thank you for bearing with me.
The television program commemorating the twentieth anniversary of Princess Diana’s death on August 31, “Diana, In Her Words,” portrayed Diana maturing before our eyes. At first shy and reticent, she peered through her eyelashes as she held her head down, a close-lipped smile spreading across her face.
Later, with her shoulders back and her head held high, her eyes glistened as she flashed broad smiles.
During her interview for the program which was used this year to commemorate her death, Diana reflected on the moment she decided to change. Instead of succumbing to the self-defeating behavior issuing forth from her fear and jealousy, she resolved to focus outward on the downtrodden, making advocacy for them her life’s work.
She decided to align her efforts with a purpose larger than herself.
I remember the moment I decided to change.
“… I felt ripped apart, like a fraud living a double life. I hated the incongruity …. It needed addressing, and I felt ready to face the challenge. I felt ready to make a change. And a big change was what was called for.” ~excerpts from A Long Awakening to Grace.
“Unnerved at first, I felt as though I had been dropped into an alien world.” Page 125 of A Long Awakening to Grace
“It is in facing your conflicts, criticisms, and contradictions that you grow up. You will remain largely unconscious as a human being until issues come into your life that you cannot fix or control and something challenges you at your present level of development, forcing you to expand and deepen. It is in the struggle with your shadow self, with failure, or with wounding, that we break into higher levels of consciousness.” ~Richard Rohr
Almost thirty-three and a half years later, I am eternally grateful that I made that decision, took the steps to change, and stayed with it when the going got rough. I would not trade where I am today for where I was in April 1983. I learned that in that so-called “alien world,” I received the life-giving nurturance I needed to blossom and thrive.
As I listened to Diana reflect on her life and as I reflect on my own, I wonder ~~
What in your life do you need to change … or have you found the need to change in the past?
What step is the still, small voice of wisdom within encouraging you to take … or did encourage you to take in the past?
If you have decided to make a change, in what ways are you wiser today than you were when you took those first faltering steps?
What change could you currently pursue that would lead you to higher levels of consciousness?
Exploring questions like these are the kinds of conversations that fuel my enthusiasm for life.